A DOG'S DIARY

7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 am - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
Noon - Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
2 pm - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
3 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
4 pm - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favorite!
7 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite!
8 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 pm - Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite!
11 pm - Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favorite!



A CAT'S DIARY

Day 183 of my captivity... My captors continued to taunt me with
bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat,
while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is
the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from clawing the
furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant. Today my attempt to
kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking
almost succeeded - must try this at the top of the stairs. In an
attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced
myself to vomit on their favorite chair - must try this on their bed.
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to
make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear in
their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good
little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan. There was some
sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary
throughout the event.

However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More
important, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers of
inducing "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my
advantage. I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe
snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to
return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has
got to be an informant and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he
reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room,
his safety is assured. But I can wait; it is only a matter of time.